The Petarian Mag - From The Cadet - 1964

 

Humour Parade            

…One hot July day, when tourists were lining up to enter the Senate gallery, one old gentleman whispered to the person behind him. "Take a look at the little character in front of me with the paddle cut and the blue jeans. Is it a girl or a boy" "It's a girl", came the angry answer "I ought to know she's my daughter". "Forgive me. Sir!" apologized the old fellow. “I never dreamt you were her father". "I'm not", said the slacks clad parent. "I'm her mother".
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…The young couple going over their monthly bills were finally down to the last two." Gosh, honey", said the husband, "We are practically broke. I don’t know which to pay—the electric company or the doctor". "Oh! The electric company of course," answered the wife. "After all the doctor can't cut off your blood".

…A favourite picture star wanted to have a divorce and found it difficult to have a divorce in a hurry. Her lawyer suggested to proceed the case in Mexico so that she could get over with the case as soon as possible. "But I don't speak Spanish", she protested, "That is all right", said the lawyer. "Whichever there is a pause, you just say: "Si. Si".

The star created a great sensation in the little Mexican Village, and when she appeared in court, the whole town turned out to witness the event. There was a great deal of emoting and bowing and the star said; "Si, Si" very firmly on numerous occasions. Suddenly the crowd gave a loud cheer. "Well, I guess I'm divorced," she said complacently. "Divorced, my eye", cried her perspiring attorney. "You've married the mayor".

…Sitting at home, having a quiet evening, were two spinster sisters. Suddenly one looked up from the paper she was reading and commented: "There's an article here telling of the death of a woman's third husband. She's had all of them cremated". "Isn't that life for you?" said the other, “some of us can't even get one husband, while others have husbands to burn".

…A woman whose husband had recently won a considerable sum of money was discussing with an artist the portrait of herself which she asked him to paint. "Shall I paint you in evening dresses" the artist enquired, when sittings were being discussed. "Oh, no" replied the woman- "Don't make any fuss at all; just wear your over-alls",

…A pretty young girl returned from a date one evening in a state of delirious excitement. "Mother" she exclaimed, "I know that Rashid is the man for me. Every time he takes me in his arms I can hear his heart pounding". Her mother smiled, "You'd better be cheerful," she warned, "Your father fooled me that way for almost a year with a cheap watch".

…"Hold up your right hand and swear to tell the truth" said the Bailiff. But the prisoner raised his left hand, "I said your right hand". The prisoner looked at the judge; "Your honour, if you want the truth—I'm left handed".

…"Tommy", asked a teacher, "If I lay one egg on the table and two on the chair how many will I have together?" "Personally", answered Tommy, "I don't think you can do it".

...A lady was asked what her husband said when he proposed. She replied, "He told me that he loved me and wanted me for his wife". "But didn't he do any thing to back up his statement'"

"Oh! Yes," she said, ""We have a daughter and two sons".

…"The best thing for you", said the doctor, "is to give up drinking and smoking, go to bed early and get up early".

"Doctor," said the patient, "I don't deserve the best. What's the second best?"

…A visitor spent a week-end at a hotel. On leaving he presented the manager with a huge bouquet, saying, "These are for the telephone girls". What a nice compliment". "Compliment! Don't be a fool;" said the visitor, "I thought they were dead".

…He told the girl if she didn't marry him he'd get a rope and hang himself right in front of her home. "Oh, please don't, Kamran," she pleaded, "You know father doesn't want you hanging round here".

                                                            _____Azhar Hussain - Latif House